Oh Me, Oh Mãe (2020-21)

I began Oh Me, Oh Mãe after giving birth to my daughter, B, in June 2020. Mãe is Portuguese for mother (B is British-Portuguese).

As I had made a project about my pregnancy, I wanted to document early motherhood whilst being as honest as possible about my experiences. The images are accompanied by diaristic text (either in the form of hashtags or 'normal text').

I chose not to show B's full face within my work as she has no idea about the rest of the world and the internet at the moment. She may never want her face to be seen, so I want to wait until she is old enough to decide if she wants her face to be visible or not.

A few of the sub-series within the project are family portraits (where B's face is usually hidden by using Photoshop), 'Portrait Of A Mother Of A ___ Month Old', and 'Imitating B ___' (my favourite theme within the series which grew out of wanting to not show her face).

The work is also a diary of becoming a mother during the pandemic.

The series came to a natural end when I discovered I was pregnant again in May 2021, and started work on a new project (Waiting For Things In A Time When You Wait For Things) about being pregnant while being a mother to B. However, I am continuing the sub-series in the new project, as I now see all my work about pregnancy and motherhood as chapters.

(Below are a selection of images)

I posted all the images & text to my Instagram account.

What I Wore For My Four Night Hospital Stay After Giving Birth (19th June 2020)

#WeHadPackedTheBagJustInCaseACoupleOfWeeksPreviouslyEvenThoughWeWerePlanningForAHomeBirth

#IThoughtAtLeastEverythingIMightNeedEvenForHomeWouldBeInTheSamePlace

#IKeptSayingWeShouldRevisitThemButWeNeverGotRoundToItEspeciallyAsSomeThingsWeNeededForEverydayUse

#SoWhenICalledTheHospitalToSayMyWatersHadBrokeTheySaidToBringBagsInJustInCase

#WeSpentHalfAnHourRushingRoundButIDidNotTakeItTooSeriously

#INearlyDidNotPackThisDressAsItWasWhatIWasWearingInBedWhenMyWatersBroke

#ItWasALittleWetAndItDidNotSmellSoIPutItInMyBagThinkingIWouldBeComingHomeSoonForMyHomeBirth

#WellObviouslyIDidNotComeHomeAndWasInHospitalFor4Nights

#AndILivedInThisDress

#ICouldHaveAskedTiagoToBringMoreThingsButByTheTimeIThoughtAboutItIKnewMyStayWasComingToAnEnd

#OriginallyIWasInHospitalDueToProblemsWithBreastfeedingAndThenBabyBGotJaundice

#TheDressShowsColostrumStainsAndThenMilkStainsAfterMyMilkCameInOnDay3

#ItWouldHaveBeenEvenMessierThanThisButOftenISatWithMyDressOffToDoSkinToSkin

#SoManyWomenTouchedMyBoobsDuringMyStayToHelpMeTryToFeedSoIDidNotCareAnymore

#PlusAround6PeopleWereAtTheBirthPlusTiago

#ItWasWeirdToSuddenlyBeAroundSoManyPeopleAfterHavingNotSeenMyFamilyFor3MonthsDueToCovid

#MyCurtainWasNeverFullyClosedAsThereWasALightSwitchJustBehindItThatTheHospitalStaffUsed

#SoPotentiallyPeopleCouldSeeInButIReallyDidNotCare

#AfterAFewDaysIThoughtIBetterWearSomethingElseButItWasTooHot

#TheOtherWomenOnTheWardProbablyJudgedMeForWearingAStainCoveredDress

#ButSoManyCameAndWentBeforeMe

#IDidNotWearMyWatchBecauseOfBreastfeeding

#ISometimesWoreANursingBraButInTheBeginningIDidNotAndThenIUsedBreastPadsOnceMyMilkCameIn

#IHadMyEyeMaskOnMyHeadAllTheTimeAndEvenAfterIGotHome

#TheJokeWasIWasNotSleepingThoughAndIStillAmNotReally

#IBoughtItAsItWasOnARecommendedHospitalListButIAlsoThoughtItWouldBeGoodForHomeAsIFindItHardToSleep

#ItWasProbablyTheMostUsefulThingInMyHospitalBagInTheEndAndIAmUsingItAtHome

#AndThenIWasGladThatIWoreMySandalsAndNotTrainers

#SoEasyToJustSlipOnAndOffAndMoveAbout

#IHaveJustLivedInSandalsForAllOfLockdown

Breastfeeding, Bottle Feeding, Whatever Feeding (26th June 2020)

My Baby Is A Brick Wall (14th July 2020)

#IHaveBeenABitEmotionalThisMorning

#IFeelABitDetachedFromBAtTimes

#WhilstTiagoSaysHeCanNotBelieveHowMuchHeIsInLoveWithHer

#IAmHappyHeFeelsThisWayAboutHer

#IHaveNeverBeenAMassiveFanOfNewbornsAsIFeelLikeTheyDoNotDoMuch

#ThoughIHaveAlwaysSaidItMustBeDifferentWhenItIsYourOwnChildAsYouSeeTheSmallChanges

#IThinkWhatIFindMostDifficultIsThatIFeelLikeIAmNotGettingMuchBackFromHerEmotionally

#SheIsStartingToSmileThoughIThinkItIsMostlyOnAccident

#WhenSheSmilesPurposefullyIThinkIWillFeelDifferentAsAtTheMomentItFeelsLikeSheIsABrickWall

#ILoveToMakePeopleLaughAndThereIsNoBetterSoundInTheWorldThanABabyLaughing

#IFindMyselfPullingTheSameFacesAndDoingThingsThatMakeMyNieceLaughAndIGetNothingOrAFrownBackFromB

#IJustHadAnOnlineSearchAndGigglingIsFromMonth3Or4AndSheIsJust1Month

#ThePurposefulSmilesStartBetween6And12Weeks

#IGuessWeKnowWhenSheIsContentWhichIsWhenSheIsNotCrying

#ButINeedMoreOfAnIndicationThatIAmDoingAGoodJob

#ISupposeIJustHaveToWaitAndMaybeLaterIWillFeelBetter

#IAlsoFeelGuiltyThatWeHaveStartedToGiveHerADummy

#ThoughIOnlyFeelGuiltyAsIWorryWhatPeopleThink

#IKnowItIsTheBestThingForMyFamily

#PeopleCanBeSoJudgementalAboutAllThingsParentingAndLifeInGeneral

#IfWeWantAdviceWeWillAskForIt

#WeStartedToGiveHerADummyAsSheWasAlwaysJustRestingWithTheBottleTeatOrANippleInHerMouthAndNotDrinking

#INeverHadADummyAsABabyButISuckedMyThumbAndTwiddledMyHairALotInstead

#IAlsoToldTiagoThatINeedABitMoreAttention

#AGoodHugBeforeSleepOrWhateverAsItMakesABigDifferenceToMe

#IGuessIDoGetABitJealousSeeingBGetAllHisAttention

#ThatSeemsHardToAdmitButMostlyBecauseIKnowOneDayIWillShareAllOfThis

#TheLastFewDaysIHaveStartedToReadToBMoreToMakeSureIHaveSomeGoodQualityTimeWithHer

#ItFeelsLikeSettingUpABlogWasNotTheSmartestThingToDoRightNowButIGuessItIsBecauseIPutTooMuchPressureOnMyselfAndItShouldBeMoreCasual

#IThinkIFeelRubbishBecauseThisIsMyFirstShootInNearlyAWeekAndIFeelMyWorstWhenIAmNotMakingWork

I Am Worried That Someone Will Say I Am Holding Her Wrong (11th August 2020)

They Say That It Takes A Village To Raise A Child, But We’re Cut Off From The Village (7th October 2020)

#TiagoSaysThatWeDoNotHaveAVillage

#IPointedOutThatWeDoButItIsJustNotALocalVillageAsNoOneFromOurFamilyLivesCloseToUs

#BsSleepHasGottenWorse

#SheWasWakingUpAtNightBeforeButSheDidNotNeedToBeFedAndCouldBeSettled

#NowSheWakesUpWithAHarshCryAndWillOnlySettleIfIFeedHer

#IThinkSheFeedsMoreForComfortThanBecauseSheIsHungryThough

#SheHadInjectionsAndThatNightSheSleptStraightThrough

#WhichWasOddAsSheDoesUsuallyWakeUp

#IHaveHadToFeedHerTwiceTheLastCoupleOfNights

#WeWereGettingAnnoyedLastNight

#IPutHerOnOurBedToGetReadyToFeedHer

#ThenSheStartedToSmileAndBeAllCuteSoWeInstantlyFeltBad

#IWasReadingThatYouShouldNotWatchTvAndBeOnYourPhoneWhilstYouFeed

#IHaveBeenFeelingDownAgainSinceTiagoWentBackToWork

#AndTheFilmsHaveBeenHighlightsDuringLongFeeds

#AsIUsuallyFeedHerFor40Minutes

#ThereIsOnlySoMuchThatICanTalkToHerWhilstSheHasHerMouthFull

#YesIDoFeelGuilty

#MyLifeIsPrettyMuchTheSameEveryday

#IThinkThisPandemicIsMakingMoreSociallyAwkwardThanIAlreadyWas

#TheIdeaOfGroupChatsJustMakesMeFeelAnxious

#ICanNotImagineBeingInARoomFullOfPeopleAtAnEventAnymore

#ItIsSoWeird

#WeTookBSwimmingTheOtherDay

#SheSeemedToLikeItThoughWeWereOnlyInTheWaterFor20Minutes

#ItWasNiceToDoSomethingDifferentAsAFamily

#TheWeatherHasTurnedAndTheOtherDayIDidNotGoOutForAWalkThenYesterdayIGotRainedOn

#INeedToJustFocusOnTakingLifeOneDayAtATime

#AndTryToFindMorePositivityInThisWeirdTimeAsOtherwiseItIsGoingToBeAVeryLongWinter

#IReallyEnjoyedThisShootWithBSoMaybeINeedToCollaborateWithHerMore

Imitating B Trying To Eat Her Toes (24th November 2020)

Imitating B’s One Red Cheek (19th December 2020)

I Have Started To Balance Things On My Head For B’s Amusement (30th December 2020)

Imitating B Trying To Eat Her Pan/Drum During Online Baby Classes (10th February 2021)

Imitating B With Her Hands And Feet On The Floor (6th March 2021)

#BIsDefinitelyMovingAroundQuickerEachDay

#YesterdaySheGotStuckByTheCushionsByTheTVAsSheOnlyLikesRollingOneWaySoSheKeptRollingIntoThemRatherThanAwayFromThem

#ThisPhotoIsMeImitatingHerWithHerHandsAndFeetOnTheFloorWhichSheHasStartedToDoInTheLastWeekOrSo

#ICanNotImagineHerWalkingAroundButIGuessThoseDaysAreGettingCloserAndCloser

#SometimesAtNightNowIHearHerCryingSoITurnOnTheMonitorAndSheIsJustSatUpInHerCot

#IHadACallWithMySupportBefrienderPersonTheOtherDay

#SheSaidSheThatCouldTellThatIWasDown

#ISaidIDoNotKnowWhyIBotherMakingProjectsAndThingsWithTheFreeTimeIHaveWhenICouldBeRelaxingInstead

#SheSaidItIsBecauseYouLoveIt

#ILikeThisProjectFromTimeToTimeButItIsMoreThatIFeelIHaveToMakeIt

#WhenIDoAGoodShootIFeelGreatButWhenIDoNotIFeelPrettyDown

#SoHerCommentGaveMeAKickToActuallyStartShootingForAProjectThatIHaveBeenThinkingAboutForAFewWeeks

#IDoNotKnowIfItWillEverSeeTheLightOfDayButIDefinitelyFeelBetterForHavingStartedIt

#ThisMorningTiagoGotBUpAt7AndHeWillLookAfterHerUntilHerNapAtAround10

#IDidMyDanceVideosFirstThingToGetThemDoneAsIFeelLikeTheyHangOverMeAtTheWeekend

#TodayIReallyEnjoyedItButSomeWeeksItIsJustAnotherThingThatIFeelIHaveToDo

#INeedToStopFeelingGuiltyForHavingSomeTimeToMyself

#IWorkPrettyQuicklyNowWithTheFreeTimeIHaveAndTiagoIsBsDadSoOfCourseHeShouldBeSpendingTimeWithHer

#IThinkIFeelBadAsTiagoIsWorkingAllWeekAndMakingMoneyWhereasIDoNotMakeMuch

#IAmDoingSomeNonArtPaidWorkAtTheMomentWhichIJustDoInFifteenMinutesToTwoHoursIshSessions

#IDoLookForOtherWorkWhereBWouldHaveToGoToNurseryButThereDoesNotSeemToBeMuchOutThere

#ItWouldAlsoNeedToBeSomethingWhichLeavesMeWithEnoughAfterPayingNurseryFeesToSeemWorthIt

#MostOfTheMumsIKnowWithBabiesOfASimilarAgeAreEitherBackAtWorkOrGoingBackSoon

#ItIsAnnoyingInTheSenseThatSoonWeWillBeAbleToHangOutWithOtherBabiesButTheyAllMightBeInNurseries

#IGuessThereWillBeSomeAroundThoughWhoseParentsWorkPartTimeOrWhoAreInASimilarPosition

#IHaveSpokenToACoupleOfMumsThisWeekAtThePlaygroundWeGoTo

#IRealiseNowThatEveryoneElseProbablyWantsToChatButTheyAreJustAsAwkwardAsMe

#MyCurrentMumPickupLineIsHowOldIsYourLittleOne

#WeSayWeWillSeeEachOtherAroundButWeHaveLivedHereForFourMonthsAndIDoNotThinkIHaveSeenThemBefore

#WorkingOnANewProjectAndTalkingToPeopleMakesMeFeelHappierSoINeedToKeepOnDoingWhatIAmDoing

First Family Portrait Session (28th June 2020)

Seventh Family Portrait (28th March 2021)

Previous Project: Waiting For Things... (2019-20)

Next Project: Tin Roof, Shiny (2020-21)

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