Waiting For Things In A Time When... (2019-20)

Waiting For Things In A Time When You Rarely Wait For Things was made between October 2019 and June 2020. It is a predominantly self-portraiture project that documents my pregnancy.

Within my personal work I usually use myself to explore themes such as body image, self-esteem, self-confidence and anxiety, so it felt natural to make a series about a new phase of my life. Having never been pregnant before it has been interesting to see the changes to my body. Each photograph is accompanied by up to 30 hashtags that make up a diary entry that talk honestly about the experience.

I thought the title, Waiting For Things In A Time When You Rarely Wait For Things, was quite smart as we live in a world where everything is instantaneous and it is odd when you have to wait for things. However, Covid-19 changed this and I was grateful to have something to count down to in a time of uncertainty. My husband, Tiago, worked from home, so he was in the project more than I initially expected him to be.

In the end the project became not only a diary for me, but also for family and friends who never saw me heavily pregnant in real life. After lockdown started I never went into any building besides the one that me and my husband live in, and I did not go in the car until I went to hospital for the birth in June 2020.

(Below are a selection of images from the project - there are 84 diary entries and 96 images in total)

You can see all the photos and hashtags on my Instagram account.

The Day After I Found Out (4 Weeks / 20th October 2019)

#SoIAmGoingThroughMyPicturesACoupleOfMonthsAfterTryingToEditTheProjectSoFar

#AndApparentlyIHaveBeenWritingHashtagsForEveryShootOnTheDayApartFromThisOne

#WritingThemOnTheDayIsMuchBetterButOhWell

#ILikeThatIAmWearingThisDress

#NotSureIfItWasAnAccidentOrOnPurpose

#ButItIsTheSameDressAsTheOneIAmWearingInMyPictureCalled

#ItSeemsLikeEveryoneIsPregnantExceptMe

#InMySeriesCalledUlteriorMonologue

#WhichIsAboutWantingToTalkAboutWantingToBePregnantButFeelingTooAwkwardTo

#TheDayBeforeWeHadGoneFoodShopping

#IHadBoughtCheeseThatYouAreNotSupposedToEatIfYouArePregnant

#AndTwoPregnancyTests

#IBoughtTheTestsAsIMyPeriodWasLateAndIWasHopeful

#ButBoughtTheCheeseAsIWasNotThatHopeful

#WellActuallyIWasConfusedAsItHadStartedAndStopped

#IOnlyHadATinyBitOfTheCheeseAsIWasLikeWellWhatIf

#AndThenTriedToDoATest

#ButForgotIWasGoingToDoOne

#SoIWasJustInTheBathroomForAgesDrinkingLotsOfWaterAndWaiting

#FunTimes

#ThenICameOutOfTheBathroomInShockIThink

#AndCalledTiagoIntoTheBathroomAsWeWereAtMyNans

#HeSaidHeDidNotEvenKnowWhatWasTheResultByLookingAtTheTest

#WritingThisNowIHaveABitOfABump

#OnTheDayITookAPictureOfMyBellyAndToBeFairIThoughtILookedABitPregnant

#ButMyBellyUsuallyLookedLikeThat

#AndNowIKnowMyFoodBabiesLookABitDifferentToABabyBump

#ButFoodBabiesWithABabyBumpJustLookLikeABigBabyBump

#AnywaysHereIWasAbout4AndABitWeeksPregnantOrSoTheFolderTellsMe

#IFindItOddTheWayTheyCalculateItAsPartOfThatIWasNotPregnant

I Have Told Him Before That If He Wants To Touch The Bump Then He Has To Make Sure His Hands Are Warm (22 Weeks / 25th February 2020)

The Bump & The Beard (33 Weeks / 10th May 2020)

Bump Is Definitely Droopier (37 Weeks / 7th June 2020)

3 images showing me at 22 and a half weeks, 33 weeks and 37 weeks pregnant (I gave birth at 37+5).

The first was taken before lockdown, whilst the other two were taken during lockdown - when Tiago was working from home and didn't need to shave.

I Worry That People Will Think I Am Drunk Or Hungover If I Am Sick In The Street (8 Weeks / 15th November 2019)

I Keep Looking At The Scan As I Can Not Believe It (9 Weeks / 22nd November 2019)

My Due Date Got Put Back To Its Original One (12 Weeks / 18th December 2019)

Maternity Pillow (16 Weeks / 10th January 2020)

My Portuguese-British Family and Me (19 Weeks / 2nd February 2020)

#SoBrexitFinallyHappened

#IFeelComfortedKnowingThatTiagoHasBritishCitizenship

#ThoughIAmJealousOfHimStillBeingAnEUCitizen

#HopefullyOurChildWillBeAbleToHaveBoth

#SoIDoNotNeedToWorryAboutThem

#IJustHopeThatOneDayICanBeAnEUCitizenAgainOneDay

#IWillProbablyNeverGetOverBrexit

#IWasSatFumingAllDayOnTheDayItFinallyHappened

#PeopleOnTheNewsDoNotSeemAbleToGiveAGoodEnoughReasonStill

#AndItHasBeen3AndAHalfYears

#WeWereInPortugalWhenTheResultsCameOut

#AndItWasTheGreyestDayOfOurTrip

#WeSpentAgesGettingToABeach

#AndTheWeatherWasJustTerrible

#WhichReflectedOurMood

#TheOnlyGoodThingAboutBrexitIsThatItStoppedUsGettingTrappedInZone5OfLondon

#WeThoughtAboutDidWeReallyWantToSpendOurLivesThere

#WeDecidedNo

#SoWeStayedInZone2AndThenTiagosJobRoleChangedAfterAWhile

#IDidNotSeeMyselfLeavingLondonForAnywhereElseInTheUK

#ButThenOneDayWhenIKnewMyWatfordProjectWasNearlyDoneISaidIfYouWantToMoveUpNorthForYourJobThenIAmReadyNowAndWeLeftWithin5Weeks

#AndNowWeLiveInLiverpool

#SoIAmGladThatWeDidNotCommitToZone5InTheEnd

#YesWeAreWearingTheSameTop

#MyMumBoughtMeOneAndIBoughtAnother

#ButTiagoWearsOneAsTheyAreNiceAndWarm

#AndItIsColdUpHereInLiverpool

#ItIsAwkwardWhenWeGoOutWithJumpersOnAndRealiseWeHaveTheSameTopOnUnderneath

#SoOneOfUsHasToBoilInAJumperSoWeDoNotLookSilly

#BlessTiagoBecauseItIsUsuallyHimBoilingInTheJumperAsWeDoNotWantToOverheatTheBaby

It Is Odd That Quite Possibly None Of My Friends Or Family (Besides Tiago) Will See Me Heavily Pregnant In Real Life (29 Weeks / 12th April 2020)

#PeopleWarnedUsWhenWeWereTryingToGetPregnantThatWeWouldNeverBeAbleToLeaveTheHouseWhenWeWantedAgain

#IRememberShruggingAtTheTimeAndSayingItDidNotBotherMeMuch

#IHaveAlwaysLikedBookingTicketsForThingsMoreThanGoingToTheThings

#IBookTicketsAndIGetExcited

#ThenOnTheDayTheEventComesRoundIAmAlwaysFeelingTired

#IDoEnjoyEventsButIAmNotThatBothered

#NowIHaveBeenAtHomeFor3WeeksOtherThanGoingForWalks

#AndWhenRestrictionsFinallyLiftIWillNotBeRushingToGoOutForAnythingOtherThanWalks

#TheBabyMayHaveBeenBornAlreadyOrItMayHaveNot

#EitherWayIDoNotEnvisionGoingAnywhereWithTheBabyBesidesWalks

#ItIsOddThatQuitePossiblyNoneOfMyFriendsOrFamilyWillSeeMeHeavilyPregnantInRealLife

#EveryWeekIFeelLikeTheBabyIsGrowingALot

#IDidNotBotherBuyingAnyMoreMaternityClothesThanTheOnesIGotWhenIWas15Weeks

#WhichWereMainlyBrasADressAPairOfLeggingsAndACardigan

#NowIAmJustAtHomeSoIDefinitelyDoNotNeedToGetAnythingElse

#YesterdayISpentTheWholeDayLookingAtBabyStuff

#WeAreJustGoingToHaveToRiskItAndBuyStuffWithoutTrying

#IWouldRatherJustBuyEverythingSoonerRatherThanLaterSoWeDoNotHaveToWorry

#IAmThinkingThatThereIsNoPointBuyingABabyBassinetForThePushchairAsWeWillNotProbablyUseItMuch

#IWouldRatherJustCarryTheBabyInTheBeginning

#ParticularlyToAvoidAnyoneTryingToPeerIntoTheBassinetInsteadOfKeepingTheirDistance

#WeStillDoNotKnowIfItIsAGirlOrABoy

#IOftenForgetItHasAGenderWhichIsWeirdToSay

#IJustReferToThemAsTheBabyOrThem

#WhereasTiagoUsuallyStartsTalkingToTheBumpWithMyBabyBoy

#AndThenICoughInANonCovidWayAndHeSaysOrMyBabyGirl

#HeStillWantsToFindOutBeforeTheBirth

#IWantToWait

#IAmSupposedToBeHavingMoreScansButIHaveNotReceivedALetterRecently

#AndIDoNotFeelLikeChasingThemUpAsIWouldRatherAvoidGoingToTheHospitalIfICan

Eating Almond Butter Is My Daily Highlight Right Now (29 Weeks / 15th April 2020)

Accepting That My Old Normal Is Gone Forever (32 Weeks / 5th May 2020)

Things Seem A Bit More Real After My Midwife Appointment Today (33 Weeks / 8th May 2020)

I Know It Does Not Look Like It But Swear That I Am Wearing Pants (34 Weeks / 15th May 2020)

The Baby Just Seems So Protected And Safe In My Belly (36 Weeks / 2nd June 2020)

We Ended Up Waiting For Something To Happen In A Time When Everyone Was Waiting For Something (0 Weeks / 21st June 2020)

#SoOurBabyArrivedTwoWeeksEarly

#MyWatersBrokeWhenIWasInBedAtOneThirtyInTheMorningAndAtFirstIThoughtIHadWetMyself

#WeWentToTheHospitalForMonitoring

#TurnedOutThatBabyWasBreech

#TheyWantedMeToHaveACSection

#ButISaidNoAsIDidNotFancyTheRecoveryTime

#TheyBasicallyPutMeOnAClockAndSaidIfIWasNotInEstablishedLabourBy6PMThenIWasHavingACSection

#IThoughtChallengeExcepted

#IKnewIfIGotStressedOutThenMySurgesWouldNotComeOrWouldBeStopped

#IDancedBehindTheCurtainInTheWardAndIBreathedThroughEachOne

#AtSomePointIWasExaminedAndAllowedToGoToTheDeliverySuiteAndTiagoCouldComeInTheRoom

#TheyPutACannulaInMyHandAndPutTheDateAndTimeOnIt

#ExactlyTwoHoursLaterOurBabyWasBorn

#WeDidNotKnowIfItWasABoyOrAGirl

#TheyShowedMeAndAtFirstAllICouldSeeWasThePlacentaCordAndIThoughtItWasABoy

#ButItWasAGirlWhoIWillReferToAsB

#IHadUsedATensMachineForTheFirstHalfOfLabourAndByTheSecondHalfItJustAnnoyedMe

#AfterwardsIFeltHighFromHavingJustFocusedOnMyBreathing

#AFewPeopleHaveSaidToMeThatTheyDidNotKnowVaginalBreechDeliveryWasPossible

#AnywaysIThoughtIShouldConcludeThisProjectWithSomethingThatReferencesOurBabyB

#IPlannedToGetAPictureOfTheCordStumpAttachedToHer

#ButWeJustDidNotGetRoundToItAndThenYesterdayMorningWeRealisedItHadGoneAndWereTryingToFindItInHerClothes

#IGuessItFallingOffSignifiesTheCompleteEndOfHerPhysicalAttachmentToMe

#IWasAboutToSayTheEndOfMyBodyFeedingHerBodyWithNutrients

#ButIAmBreastfeedingAndItDependsHowYouDefinePhysicalAttachment

#AnywaysIThoughtThisWasANiceWayToEndTheProjectAndSayThatSheIsHereWhilstNotShowingHer

#ObviouslyIWasAnxiousALotDuringThePregnancyButItWasTheCompleteUnknownForMe

#INeverWouldHaveThoughtThatIWouldBePregnantDuringAPandemicLetAloneThatOneWouldHitUs

#NowSheHasBeenBornIHaveKindOfForgottenAboutItAndIAmTryingMyBestToSleepWhilstFeelingOnTopOfTheWorld

#InTheEndIEndingUpWaitingForSomethingToHappenInATimeWhenEveryoneWasWaitingForSomethingToHappen

You can see all the photos/read the hashtags from the series on my Instagram account.

Previous Project: Puke Portraits (2019-20)

Next Project: Oh Me, Oh Mãe (2020-21)