I’m not sure what caused it but over the last couple of weeks (I think) I have definitely thought and said more negative things about my body than I have for a while, or maybe I’m more aware of it? I’ve definitely said things out loud to T about my body without thinking, then had a word with myself after. Why did you say that?
Since yesterday I knew I had to write something about it, but didn’t want to. Partially because there are some worrying events going on right now and I feel like ‘sad things are happening and you’re just writing about your body’, but also how other people will respond to it.
I’m writing and rewriting something about not wanting pity, but that’s the wrong word. I’m trying not to phrase it wrong as it feels important as otherwise I feel that people will think I am stuck up or something. I used to feel sorry for myself a very long time ago, but then I worked my way out of that which was good.
I think this time of year (for me) definitely causes some body image problems. I know that I’m going to have to wear a swimming costume/bikini soon. I only started wearing bikinis a couple of summers ago. I still feel awkward about it. Then with armpit hair this year I’m worried about that too. Plus I lost the bikini top that I liked last year so I need to find a new one. I hate shopping.
I generally exercise every morning which is good and it makes me feel a lot happier with myself as I know this is what I look like if I eat quite healthy and exercise. If I want to be more muscly or whatever then I need to do more exercise and there are other things that I would rather be doing. I do need to get out and play more social sports though.
I feel like I should write more but I will leave it for another time.